Winter Year Around

I moved!

2007-06-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

I moved my blog over to wordpress.

http://heather788.wordpress.com/

Hopefully I will see you there!

Trash Cans

2007-06-15T16:38:00.000-07:00

Today is trash day in my neighborhood. I totally love getting my trash emptied. I try to clean out my fridge and empty all my household cans so that every Friday we will be (at least momentarily) trash free!!

Every once in awhile I will come out in the morning and find that my trash cans have tipped over in the night and trash is everywhere. Our junk is strewn about for everyone to see...I hate that. It could be extremely embarrassing. What if my trash had a bunch of Winter secrets in it? And there it is...open for a complete dissection.

It caused me to think about my own "junk". How would I feel about my heart being laid bare...open for a complete viewing by friends and strangers alike? I think I would freak out! I have some stuff you know? There are things in here that you wouldn't understand. Fears that seem ridiculous. Insecurities that seem immature. Thoughts that seem inappropriate. As far as a complete discovery...I am glad God is in charge of that. I am glad that he, who is abounding in love, is in charge of judging my heart.

Having said that, I am starting to believe I can truly share my trash. I am not talking only "sin" here...I am talking about the junk that clutters my heart. The stuff that over reactions are made of. The stuff that causes quarrels among me and my husband. The stuff that disables me for Kingdom living. Not everyone needs to know the "deep down" me or you but I am feeling much more confident that some people can handle it.

Jesus was the prime example in this, of course. When was he NOT the prime example? He shared his deepest fears with only 3 select men. They are the ones that watched him battle his own will and win. I love that picture.

So I am inspired. I am inspired to not just figure me out but to share me. I think "becoming" is a beautiful journey and I hope that I have the courage to share my journey with my own "3". I think I know who they are.

Nutty Kids

2007-06-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

Today was my kids last day of school. They are all mine until August! They are fun kids to be around so I am looking forward to a summer o' laughs. Here's a little sample for ya...

Nadine's last big project at school was to write a speech about a fellow classmate. It included an interview and an elaborate poster board of the kid's life so far. She had a great time learning about the girl she was assigned. So today I get the poster that was made in Nadine's honor. It had all these little facts and tidbits about her. The highlights were...her "one wish" would be (of course) world peace; favorite food is asparagus and her favorite thing to do is "read Ivanhoe". Our little Nadine...such a complex 9 year old.

We were at a little birthday party for a 3 year old in our Bible Study group. The mom serves these gooey cupcakes and Ava says "you got any carrots?" It made me look like Mother of the Year!!

Tonight Ava was playing in her room. She comes out and with a little bowl and says she made me some iced tea salad. 2 of my favorite things.

Again Ava...she is playing with her doll house and says to me, "when I am a mom I am going to let my family spit on the floor." I never knew she was so deprived.

I know I may go a little nutty this summer with 5 kids with me 24/7 but little memories like these make me laugh and remind me to enjoy every minute of such a fleeting time as childhood.

Interruptions

2007-06-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

I actually hate being interrupted. I don't mind it when I am talking but when I am DOING something...please let me finish. Michael and I joke that he has to follow me around the house if he wants to talk to me when I am in the middle of doing something. I don't stop for much.

Not long ago, I was feeling a little worn out and I sat down on the couch for a little breather. Less than 5 minutes later, I had 5 kids sitting next to and on top of me. Michael said it is because I never slow down. Not long after that, Michael was talking to me while I was in the kitchen and I said "Can you wait until I am done?" and he says "But you are never done." He's right. I am never done and I don't stop for much.

When I read through the Gospels about Jesus what I notice is that they are basically a record of countless interruptions. While Jesus is walking here or there...while he is talking about this or that...while he is doing this or that...he has these encounters. The Gospels are replete with people changing his course or his conversation. When I read that, I am amazed. Jesus was so in love with people. I mean of all the people who had things to do...Jesus let people influence his schedule.

1 John 2:6 says we must walk like Jesus walked. If dying for us wasn't enough, He showed us how to live. He showed us how to walk in truth and purity and love. And that included letting people in on his time. His precious time. What an example of love Jesus is.

I have learned a lot in this area and put some into practice. I struggle with it. I want to be like Christ. More than anything in the world that is what I want. It is so odd to me how the things he did seem so simple but unattainable. When I compare myself to Jesus, I am just so selfish. That is why I love that God has seen fit to conform me to Christ's likeness. I could not be inspired into it. God just had to do the thing on his own. He has straightened the path for me to be LIKE CHRIST! I can tell you right now I am choosing it. I have the joy of salvation...but in addition to that I am choosing to walk as Jesus walked.

For me, that includes being totally interruptible. I commit to this: I will answer the phone when I am getting on the treadmill. I will open the door when I am going to check my email. I will sit on the couch when my kids want to tell me about their days. I will let the dinner dishes sit while I enjoy the company of my hubby. And I will do it all with the intention of something good and loving and truthful coming out of it. Just as Jesus used every opportunity (more aptly interruptions) to lead people to God, so will I.

God, you are too good to me. Thank you for smoothing the way for me to be conformed to the likeness of your beloved son. I could have never hoped for anything as glorious on my own. Let me follow that good impulse of the Spirit in me. Let my body listen to the Spirit and give me a willingness to do the thing I know is right...even if it be putting the laundry off until tomorrow to minister to someone in need. I love you. Thank you for believing in me. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Lightbulbs

2007-05-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

The other day I was cleaning the kids bathroom. This bathroom is the bane of my existence. No matter when I clean it, that evening the mirror will be splattered with toothpaste and the tub and floor will be splotched with dirty feet in need of a bath. Last week I decided to do a deep cleaning on the bathroom. I cleaned the thing from top to bottom. I got all the nooks and crannies of that little room. One thing that always surprises me is how dusty the light bulbs get. I cleaned those puppies until they were sparkling.

I love when I have a new idea and the light bulb goes off in my head and my brain is like "BING! I get it!". Some of those moments come when I remember something I need from the store. Some of them come when I am reading a magazine. But most of those big moments happen when I am reading the Word. I could have read the same thing for years and then all of a sudden it's like "when did this verse get in here?!!" It is truly a marvel how alive God's Word is. Some new thoughts and ideas have caused me to fall on my face before God. Some have caused me to rejoice in my salvation. Others have caused me to pick up the phone and call Michael to ponder some question.

What I wondered about when I was dusting off those light bulbs in the bathroom is what happened to all those moments? What happened to all those bright ideas? Did something profound happen as a result? Was some good work accomplished in my heart? Did something lasting take place in my life? Or did the moments light up and then dim because of the dust settling in my heart? I bet I have some light bulbs of my own to dust off. Some great truths of the Word that have been settled over by the dust of my laziness. Or the dust of my business. Or the dust of my sin.

I am ready for a "nooks and cranny" kind of clean in my heart. I bet there are some pretty neat treasures dimmed by the clutter in my heart. I bet there are some great ideas that have lost their brightness by the cloud of fear in me. I think I am in need of a little spring cleaning!

God, your thoughts are so far above my thoughts but every time I am in your Word I get a glimpse of your awesome mind. Dust off my thoughts. Dust away the fear, pain and experiences that cloud your brightness in me. Renew my mind and my heart. Remind me of all your goodness. Remind me of all your words that have taken root some place in my heart. Let all good things be renewed to a glorious brightness once again.

Movies

2007-05-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

Michael and I love renting movies. Something about being all cozy in our own house, snuggled up on the couch is just so nice. We have the a big screen TV and surround sound so it's like our own little movie theater. Makes it hard to go pay 60 bucks for all of us to go SEE a movie when we can wait a couple months, pay 4 bucks and watch it at home getting the same effect...in jammies no less.

This last week I rented us a record 6 movies. The kid at Blockbuster likes the way I whistle when I am walking around the store so he gives me a discount on the rentals. So I brought home 2 for the kids and 4 for Michael and I. We watch the kid movies together and then tuck them in to watch the "adult" movies...yikes that sounds bad.

Just a note...I am usually a great movie picker. I can peg the mood and get a great movie to match. There are times when we feel revolutionary and want to watch something dramatic and sometimes only a romantic comedy will due. One time, when we were newly married, Michael was in charge of renting the movie and he brought home "Attica" which is a HORRIBLY graphic movie about a real prison riot in the '70's. That was 12 years ago and I am still a little leery when he rents our movie.

So I come home with these 4 movies. 2 of them Michael was a little worried about and sure enough they proved to extremely offend our consciences! For heaven's sake!! I had the blanket over my head saying "So sorry!" But they were comedies so I guess in today's culture you can expect a fair amount of off color humor. Which is sad. So we have 2 movies left (this is over the course of the week not one night!). I hit the jackpot with V for Vendetta. We both really liked that movie. So I am feeling somewhat redeemed for having caused us grief the couple nights before hand. Last movie, it's an Academy Award winner. It is a movie about a real time in history. A terrible time for Uganda. This movie made me sick. I could not sleep after watching it. It left me with a terrible feeling in my stomach.

The thing about the last movie, it pierced my heart in the "how can this be?" kind of way. I laid in bed thinking about all the atrocities around the world that I am unaware of or at least live like I am unaware of. I mean the events from this movie took place in the '70's! Did my parents KNOW about this? Looking on Yahoo news...things are going on today that my children will be wondering if I knew about and DID anything about. Even though this movie bothered me, making me ill of heart...it reminded me that the place I live in is a fairy tale land in comparison to the places in THIS world where people struggle to survive. The places where people are violated and taken as prisoners or forced into armies of hate. Armies that brutalize their own countrymen. I wonder what were the Americans doing while the Holocaust was happening? How could Americans let that happen? The story really hasn't changed much at all. How can Americans let children in Africa die from malaria? When it costs cents to vaccinate them? How can Americans let the children of the world be sold into slavery by their own parents because they need money for food? These children are sold for life for the amount I spend on a dinner out. Can you imagine that? There are children captured and forced to become part of an army who is bent on terrorizing their country. Did you know the boys brought into the army are required to kill someone immediately, usually a family member? The idea is the child will be laced with so much guilt they feel like they will never be able to go home, that they will never be forgiven. Does that sound like the Devil to you? The Devil is taking this world captive. Sure he has crippled America. We are offended by what is on TV or what we see displayed in the mall or fearful of what are kids are exposed to in public school. But Friends, he is ruling the rest of the world! He is dominating the hearts and minds of the rest of the world while we American Christians complain about what is on TV! There is little comparison to what is going on in the land of America and what is going on in the lands beyond us. We are struggling with heart issues while people are losing their souls. Parents are forced to make choices that condemn themselves and their children to despair and ultimately death.

No wonder I hate watching movies like that. I hear the whispers of Jesus very loudly when I watch movies like that. I hear him calling me out to fight for the unprivileged of this world. I hear him reminding me not to abandon his people. I hear him whispering Matthew 25:41ff...

"Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me. And they will reply "Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison and did not help you?" He will reply, I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me."

I am a stay at home mom. I do laundry, I wash dishes, I help my kids with homework, I take kids to piano and soccer practice...I am raising the next generation. I sometimes rent movies that wake me up to the plight of the world in a real heartbreaking kind of way. I will be faithful with the words of my Lord about the "least of these" and I will teach my children about the real Jesus and his real love for all the people of the world. "Red and yellow, black and white they are precious in his sight." May the people of the Lord not let the weary and broken hearted of the world be forgotten, and hungry and thirsty and naked and sick. May it not be so.

A Lesson Learned

2007-05-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

I have always prided myself in being organized. My home is very well kept. All our stuff has a "home", just like the people on Clean Sweep recommend. I watch those shows and am like "YES!!" People cleaning out their junked up houses brings me joy!

My first clue that not everyone enjoyed my tidiness as much as I did, came when I got married. Michael acted like it was a hassle to clean up after himself. He didn't like cleaning out the closets and the garage. He didn't like reorganizing the shed. He didn't care about receipts from the year before being in his wallet. Very weird. I chalked it up to a character flaw.

One day I went into our oldest daughter Sierra's room, armed with an empty box and a trash bag and informed her (excitedly) that we were going to clean out her room. She cried. She was VERY upset! She felt like I was going to come in and throw away all her precious things. She was afraid her space would no longer be something that represented her. I was shocked!

Nadine, our second oldest. Would leave a pile of books by her bed. I would get all the books and dutifully put them away. Everything has a place so it bothered me when the kids didn't put stuff back. I had made it so simple for everyone! One day she asked me if I was the one who keeps taking her books. She basically accused me of doing something wrong! "As a matter of fact yes!" She looked me in the eye and said "Please don't. The memories of reading those books help me go to sleep happy." I was finally awakened.

It is so strange how I have considered my bent for organization a gift, when the people in my home have considered it something stifling to their creative minds. They have felt suffocated by my desire to have things put up in their right places! This has been a big, hard lesson for me. I do not want to be guilty of forcing my kids or my hubby to comply with what I see as the best method. I sleep better when the house is tip top. Nadine sleeps better with a stack of books haphazardly strewn on her bedside table, reminding her of all the good times she has had in her imagination. I enjoy my space when there is no clutter and things are put away properly. Sierra enjoys her space when all her treasures are out and about where she can see them and be reminded of the fun she has had. I realized my kids' reasoning made a lot more sense than mine. I recognized through them that considering something as a "gift" is only true if someone wants what you are offering! And the fact is maybe they are perfectly happy in their own little world.

There are many places in our home where I "win" the battle of clutter. Our living spaces are not closets and I teach my kids to respect that. Our pantry and refrigerator are kept in order because those are common spaces. But I have learned to let my kids have their spaces too. Spaces free from my oppressive gift for organization. We still have common rules of course. Shoes belong in the closet, stuff like that. But they are free to display whatever they want. They can decorate their rooms however they want to. They are free to enjoy their spaces in a way that is meaningful to them.

Thank God my kids are such good communicators. God knew what kind of mom I was going to be and in response gave my children the means to communicate beyond their years with their stubborn "gifted" mother. I have learned from them that a gift is not something to be forced on another. Especially something as nonspiritual as organization for heaven's sake! There is no need to squish my kids into the place that brings me peace. They are on their own path! I am responsible to give them every opportunity to experience God. Not much more, not much less. When they are grown, I have best done my job if they look back on their childhoods as ones filled with the Word and the love of the Lord. Who cares if their pantries are organized? Or if their linen closets are full of perfectly folded towels? I am learning to let those things go in favor of being in the favor of the Lord.

Dear God, let me be the kind of mother who focuses on your favor alone. Let my mothering be about teaching my kids to find favor in your eyes! Let me not pass along things to my children as "laws" other than the things of your Word. Free me from earthly worries and lead my mind toward the spiritual things my children need most from me and their dad. Help me to pass on the thing of "first importance": Christ crucified. Let everything else be secondary to knowing you! In Jesus' name. Amen.

Celebrate!!

2007-05-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my mom's last day of chemotherapy. Yeah!!

My mom is a breast cancer survivor. She had been in for her annual check up in April with everything looking great. In August she had gotten an infection from swimming in our beautiful contaminated California beaches. She went in to see her doctor and they discovered a lump. Thank God for pollution! In October she got the final results that she had cancer. She had a super aggressive form. To go from a clear mammogram to Stage 2 in 4 months is pretty unheard of. Her doctor said if she had not gotten that infection, she would have waited until her next annual and most likely be terminally ill.

My mom had a mastectomy in November. 4 days before her 55 birthday. Believe it or not this surgery is OUTpatient. Before her surgery all of us kids and all of our kids prayed over her. We cried. We pleaded with God to deliver her. We pressed our hands hard on her so that we would be one in front of Him. Our daughter Macey bowed prostrate in front of my mom with her hands on my mom's feet begging God to bring her Mimi back home to us. God in his sovereignty answered our prayers that day. My sister and I stayed with her through the whole process and brought her home that night. It was very weird seeing my mom in that state. She was so groggy and in so much pain. She was a very good patient. She let us take care of her. We cleaned her house, dressed her, emptied her "bags" and cooked her food. My dad was awesome too. But pretty soon she was on her own two feet and not needing much tending too! She was so brave and courageous!

She started chemo right before Christmas. We cried as we took turns in the back room where the patients go for treatment. It seems so long ago! There were people from all walks of life. There were children and really old people. There were moms and dads with young children and there were teenagers. My mom was the only first timer. One man came over and told us we were going to be ok. His wife was halfway through treatment. She was 30 years old and they had 2 kids. It just takes your breathe away to be in this members' only club. We could all be there supporting our loved ones but no one can do it for them. They are a tribe of warriors, whether or not they are survivors, there are no more courageous fighters than those I saw in that back room in the Oncology ward of Zion National. My mom cried as the first drips of poison cursed through her veins. This poison was going to wreak havoc on her body. She would lose all her hair, she would have the taste of metal constantly in her mouth, she would be sick at her stomach, she would be so tired she could barely open her eyes and she would be afraid. The first 4 treatments had to be hand delivered into her veins because the risk of burning was so high. This stuff literally will burn a hole in you if it is injected too quickly. So a nurse sat with her and slowly pushed it through the syringe into my mother's veins...this poison that was supposed to restore her life.

She has gone through 6 months of weekly treatments. She lost all her hair but has beautiful wigs. She lost 40 pounds (which she has been wanting to lose for 20 years) and her skin is just glowing. Her doctor has told her he has never seen someone look so beautiful during chemotherapy! She never complained. She babysat the kids when I asked. She attended all the school activities the kids had and we had lunch together every week. She never missed church even though her treatments were on Wednesdays. My mom is extraordinary.

I think my mom would say that surviving cancer is great but that the peace she received from God was the true blessing of her experience. She has been refreshed in her love for the Lord. She always has something to share from his word. He truly is her Rock. I have seen my mom go from a neat woman, to a woman of true distinction. God has been uniquely wonderful to her and she is forever changed because of their encounter.

I love you Mom. I am proud of you! I am blessed to have such a faithful and courageous mother. I am proud of the way you have fought this fight with God on your side and I am thankful for the victory over this hateful enemy! Peace be with you in Jesus' name.

Symptoms

2007-05-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with my fourth daughter, my skin changed. Ava is our only "summer" baby. Most of my pregnancy was spent at the beach soaking up the California sun. Toward the end of the pregnancy, I really noticed my skin changing. My face had a lot of brown spots on it. I have always been freckly and am not particularly vain, so I went along no big deal. Pregnancy does a number on a body so I figured after the baby I would get back to "normal". My skin only got worse. I started breaking out and I noticed this patch of skin near my hairline getting red and kinda crusty. I would rub lotion into it and got some concealer and passed it off. The red patch got worse and so did my breakouts. I also noticed my hair started receding above where the red patch on my face was. Finally I was like, something is going on. I went to the doctor and they gave me a prescription for several different acne medications...a couple creams and a pill...and referred me to a dermatologist. Come to find out that patch of skin had 18 basil cell carcinoma tumors in it. I endured an arduous processed of MOHS cancer removal surgery and then plastic surgery to help the scarring on my face to not be so severe. I had skin cancer.

Looking back on all my methods of dealing with my skin issues seems so ridiculous now! I had a real problem! But I was dealing with the symptoms of the CANCER like they were the real problem. I was only covering up what was going on. I didn't know what I was really trying to deal with. To put some make up over cancer cells is so stupid! But I wasn't aware of what was really happening, I only saw the symptoms.

I am so like that in my walk with God. When I am grumpy or out of sorts, I try to deal with my grumpiness. When I am angry or frustrated, I try to deal with my anger. Breathe deeply, in and out. I am trying to fix the "symptoms" of my heart issue. My heart is the thing that needs to change but I ache over the feeling instead. Dealing with the symptoms of a greater problem is a dangerous and faithless way to live. It leads to self-righteousness and legalism. It leads to the kind of life Jesus condemns in the Pharisees. What does he call them? White washed tombs.

I love the idea of circumcision of the heart. God says he will cut off the part of us that is sinful in nature. That part of that creates a cozy little nest for sin. That part of us that torments us with chaos of heart. He says he will give us a new heart. One that is ripe to do good. One whose fruit will be a source of glory for him. A heart that is free!! When I am struggling with the symptoms of sin, I don't need to take a time out, I need to run as fast as I can to God and have him remind me of who I really am. If I have let a bitter root sprout in my new heart, ask God to cut it off! When those times erupt in my life when I am full of pain, anger, worry, envy, strife, may I immediately hand myself over to God for a good pruning!!

God, let us not be a people who turn to our own works to cover up our symptoms. Let us run to you so that we can be whole again. Let us be willing to be pruned by you so that we can live this free live your Son suffered so much for us to have. Give us the strength to take hold of the life you meant for us to lead. Shield our hearts from Satan, who is out to accuse us and make us feel guilty. Your will is for us to be totally unburdened! We are so blessed to call you Father! Be with your people God.

In Jesus' name. Amen.

Mother's Day

2007-05-14T08:53:00.000-07:00

I had a great Mother's Day. Woke up to breakfast in bed and a tray of homemade cards. Even from Hubby. He busted out the exacto knife and made me a flower covered card. Super cute. We had some technical difficulties getting to church so we went to the park and had a little devotional. We had an appointment at the mall to get our picture taken with Michael's whole family. (Getting all 17 of us together for a picture on Mother's Day was NOT my fav way to spend the day but it turned out great!) So we are at the park and Michael reads the Law about honoring your father and MOTHER. He had all the kids say something nice about me (Ava likes my lips). It was sweet. After pictures we had lunch at Michael's parent's house. When we got home we played some games and I baked in as much peace and quiet that can be had in a house full of 7 people. Ansen spilled some water (a lot actually) in the kitchen and I am like "Clean up on isle 2!" Michael came in and took care of it. It was nice not worrying about it. It was a great day!

The funny thing is, this kind of Mother's Day would have really bothered me a couple years ago. I really go out of my way to make sure the people I love are totally taken care of on any special occasion. (Michael likes to tell a story of when we were dating I gave him a watch for President's Day.) I have learned the hard way that my husband is not the same as me. He doesn't approach special occasions the same way I do. His family is very low key, almost to a fault. We were talking last night about how we honor people in all sorts of different ways. I think Michael and I have had to come to terms with our differences in that area. I think Michael would say,especially from his gender perspective, that it has taken him awhile to find out what really means something to him. He had bypassed thinking about special occasions because he wasn't raised making a big deal about them. When Michael and I first got married I was like "Does your mom even care about us?" Because she was so accommodating about us not coming for Thanksgiving. When I was growing up EVERYTHING was a big deal, definitely to a fault. I grew up with pressure to have something special to give.

So we had to learn balance. We had to make our way in our own family. I still go over the top for everyone, including my little family but I have learned to do it out of complete love for them, not obligation. Through my marriage I have turned my "bent" toward gifts into a passion to make others feel great in a way that is meaningful to them. Michael has really helped me redefine that! And I have learned that honor and respect and love comes in all sorts of "packages". It isn't as tangible as I grew up believing. It is breakfast in bed, homemade cards, a game of Twister and a little free time to do something I love. I have learned to see through to the heart and truly love and be loved in any and every way.

So my Mother's Day was the best. My family gave me their hearts and their time. They gave me hugs and kisses. They are happy because I am their mom. I can thank my Hubby for opening my eyes to every expression of love and I have learned to drink it in!

What Ever Happened To...?

2007-05-11T12:58:00.000-07:00

I love those magazine covers that say "What ever happened to the cast of Facts of Life?" or the "Where are they now?" kind of articles. It's fun finding out the rest of the story. I love the people's hindsight views on all the stuff they went through. I am always pulling for them to be normal, you know? It's a good feeling to know that these people who played characters I loved are ok now. And when they go through something hard, like an addiction or something, I just feel sad for them. I get attached to these people!

Reading through the Bible, there are so many neat characters. Especially the Old Testament. Some of them you get to follow from birth to death but some of them are just a blip on the page. I hope we get to spend some of our eternity watching some of the cool things that happened in the OT. Like Gideon and the fleece, the battles where hundreds conquer armies of thousands, the Red Sea parting, David and Goliath...stuff like that. I am sure some of our faithful patriarchs are like PLEASE NO!! But some of the highlights of God's power would be so cool to see. And to find out what ever happened to...Ruth? or Rahab? or Tamar? or Daniel? We know some of their story but not the whole thing!!

I was thumbing through the Gospels, reading about Jesus' life. In the beginning of his life, his earthly father Joseph is so faithful to God. He believes him on so many things. He marries Mary despite the humiliation of her pregnancy, he goes to Egypt when God tells him and then he goes back to Israel. He was so awesome! So what ever happened to him? After Mary's big introduction as Jesus' mother she kinda gets "lost" in the story. You see her every once in awhile but nothing major. Isn't that weird? You would think their stories would be meticulously recorded for us...the mom and dad of the Messiah!!

As I thought about all of this, my conclusion was that their stories were only necessary for the things they did that pointed to the Messiah. Beyond that, God adored them, but didn't "exalt" them any further by only sharing the part of their story that led people to Him or to Jesus. I have read devotional books that encourage the reader to think about the "Hall of Faith" and what would "By faith (insert your name here)" look like? I have subscribed to those ideas in the not too distant past! Honestly, these people were living their faith. They were living the life they were called to. They didn't even CONSIDER themselves worthy to be spoken to by God let alone strive to be in the "Hall of Faith". They followed God's leading. That's it. That's what is recorded. Their faith was saved for all these generations so that we might live faithfully!! Not just weigh in on the really big decisions faithfully but TO LIVE FAITHFULLY! Honestly, did Rahab think her life would center on housing the Israelite spies? Did she know that was going to be her big Hall of Faith moment? No! The truth is neither do I know mine!! I need to follow these examples of LIVING by faith, not worrying about which decisions are going to be the real pivotal ones. When I get to talk with God and ask him what my "By faith Heather..." was, I imagine it will totally surprise me. It will be some thing I did out of faithful living that God made into something powerful.

Let's not strive to be mighty in our lives. Let's strive to let a Mighty God work in our lives!! Let us be the vessels for his wondrous works and let us leave the rest of our story in his tender hands. He has written his law on our hearts and he has engraved our names on palms of his hands. He knows our stories. He works through the faithful.

Catching up on the Funnies

2007-05-02T21:40:00.000-07:00

* One of my girls was being kinda negative so I encouraged her to say something nice about her sister. She says (reluctantly) "When you are stretching you are really flexible."

* Macey was reading a bumper sticker on one of the cars in the church parking lot which said "trust, obey, pray" and she asks "Why would you trust Obiwan Kenobi?" I laughed so hard while Sierra corrected her pronunciation from obi to obey.

* At dinner we were talking about what the kids wanted to be when they grow up. A 2nd grade teacher, a librarian, Macey doesn't care and Ava wants to be a mermaid.

* Ansen can not be talked out of calling Sierra's chinchilla "puppy".

* Sierra on the way to church is all giddy and says "I have this really great feeling right now!" as if on cue...Ava tooted.

* Getting Ava ready for bed the other night, I encouraged her to get to sleep because she had preschool in the morning and she cries "I am so stressed out!"

Thank you God for this fun group of kids you have blessed Michael and I with. They are treasures to us and a joy to all who know them! Bless them Lord. Keep them loving life and seeing the world as a joyful place. Keep us laughing God!

Community

2007-04-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

Today we went to a birthday party for one of the precious 1 year olds in our Bible Study group. Her name is Riley. I used to babysit her mom!!! I don't really feel "old" but as I have gotten to know a lot of the young mothers in our congregation, especially the ones I have known since their births, I realize that I am out of their league. I am a more mature mother now. I have had a lot of experience with children 11 and under. They ask me for advice, they invite me to their babies parties, they ask me to come help them with all kind of stuff, I help throw their baby showers. It's pretty cool and obviously a great responsibility. Just this last year I have conceded to the fact that I am not going to have any more children. I am moving on to the next stage, which is exciting.

While we were at the party, a young friend of ours who is having a c-section on Tuesday was talking about how she was going to be as a new mom. A few of my close friends were in the room as well and we started talking about our experiences as new moms. Someone came in and told me Ansen had fallen into the swimming pool and one of our friends grabbed him from under water by his foot. He was fine, safe and sound...which prompted a conversation about how many times something scary has happened to one of our kids...broken legs, knocked out teeth, burns, falls out of trees...all that scary stuff!! One of my best friends, Rita, said the most awesome thing. She said "Whenever something really scary happened, there was always someone there to help us through it. We were never alone." I got tears in my eyes at how true that is! Every time something has gone wrong, or something scary has happened, I have had friends around to help me through it. I am not talking about having a friend to call, I am talking about a friend being THERE to help me through it.

It made me think of the people in Acts. About the kind of fellowship they had with one another. I am sure they bandaged each others kids' scraped knees and pulled each others kids out of ponds! They LIVED together! They didn't just see each other at various meetings. They were a community. They knew the ins and outs of each others lives, not by making a phone call but by being together. I imagine they didn't even have to send out a message for help, because they were always together. They had everything in common.

I am so blessed to have friends like that. To have a community like that. But I know God's plan is for every person on the face of the planet to have that, for everyone to be able to look to their side and have someone there with them. The New Testament paints such a clear picture of that togetherness. A beautiful picture of community. My prayer is that my eyes will be opened to the people who are in need of what I have through the Body. That my heart will be open to letting Jesus create that through me. Because it isn't always easy to be available and connected to people...but God can give me all I need to be all He wants to be to all his children.

Not Too Big

2007-04-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

This really inspired me.

Yesterday I was out in my garden (I use that term VERY loosely). I was weeding and replacing some rotted out flower bed edging. I planted some plants and added some fresh bark. My kids were in and out...helping me, keeping me company. It was a really nice way to spend the afternoon. A couple hours into it, Ava had woken up from her nap and was at the sliding glass door. I waved to her. She was still naked with her blanket wrapped around her. She looked so sweet and cozy.

As I was pulling some weeds I hear the door open and Ava yells "Mom! I just prayed for you that that bird wouldn't bite you!" And then the door closes. A minute later I hear her yell "Mom! I just prayed that you wouldn't get bit by any red ants out there!" Closes the door. I am kinda laughing about it to myself. Then again "Mom! I just prayed that you would get lots of work done!" Then she closed herself back in the kitchen. My 3 year old is yelling prayers out the door at me! I thought this was such an amazing thing! My daughter, who has very little worldly wisdom, knows that God cares about her mommy in the garden. She knows that God can keep her mom safe from birds, ants and being unproductive. The God my little daughter knows and loves, is a God who is involved in her everyday thoughts. Her God knows her. Her God sees her in her kitchen watching her mom work in the yard. Her God is close to her!

I was so touched by the closeness Ava shares with God. When did we learn that God is far away and only comes near if there is a catastrophe? When did we learn that He is too busy to worry about birds pecking us or ants biting us? Far be it from me to EVER discourage any of my children to pray to God over such "silly things". Far be it from me to rush them through their prayers because they are mundane and small (Thank you God for the fork, the roof, the ball, the cat...) I am so convicted and heart sick over the times I have tried to make their God too big to understand. The times I have tried to "teach" them about God's priorities. My little girl knows God cares about her and is one whisper away from her. Let no one ever take her God away from her!!

Thank you God for teaching me such a precious lesson. Bless my children. They are the "rocks that cry out" in your name, calling me back to the truth. You use them to open my eyes to who you really are. Let me never take away the God that their hearts already know, but to teach them more about your love and build on what you have already put in their hearts.

Lame Post

2007-04-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

Here is a lame post to make my husband feel better...

On Friday it was supposed to rain in beautiful San Diego county. I did not know it was supposed to rain so I headed out on errands in my typical gear...jeans and t-shirt. Needless to say I was freezing. One of my stops was to Costco. I love Costco. They have the coolest stuff. I can walk around forever in there, looking at fridges, movies, lawn furniture, organic jams and jellies...I mean Costco is awesome. Even better was when I walked in I noticed a cart full of white washcloths. I ask the guy checking for Costco IDs what was up and he said since it was going to rain these washcloths were to wipe down the wet carts for the customers. WOW!! First, I was like "Whoa, it's going to rain?" (Too bad my kids rode their bikes to school.) And then "How cool is Costco?" He kinda ruined it by saying it was for insurance purposes with wet slippery floors and all. Ignoring that tidbit, I was impressed. At Wal-Mart you are pretty much on your own. You get a soaking wet cart to shop with and who cares if you slip and eat it. They figure if you could afford a lawyer you probably wouldn't be shopping at Wal-Mart, you'd be at Target.

So, this is a thank you post to Costco for being so awesome. And for my hubby who requested a lame post. Enjoy!

Inspiration

2007-04-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Michael and I have noticed something interesting about our son.

He loves Thomas the Train. He has this really cool train table with all kinds of tracks and tunnels. I have traveled around San Diego County picking up these wood train parts and special engines and what not. It is so fun to put together. Especially after YEARS and YEARS of dress up and doll houses.

He loves to watch Thomas movies as well. He always is wanting to watch one. He walks around begging whoever will listen to watch "choo-choos". So I'll button down and put on his movie. Every single time...about 5 minutes into the movie...Ansen has disappeared. He is no longer watching the movie he has begged for 30 minutes to watch!! You will find him upstairs in his room playing with his tracks and engines on his train table. He watches the movie for a minute and then is inspired to go play with what he sees on TV.

I think this is so cool. I can just see his mind working, thinking "Why am I sitting around watching these trains, when I can be PLAYING with these trains?" He only thinks he wants to watch them...really he wants to play with them.

Isn't that how the Word is for us? We sit down and read it and meditate on it but after that we should be inspired to go out and DO what it says! It's a safe bet that we need more than 5 minutes of inspiration, but the point is, we need to be practicing what we see in the Word.

James 1:22-25 "Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to so this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed in what he does."

I love the example my kids are for me. Jesus said the kingdom belonged to ones such as these. I am wise to learn from their honest lives and purity of heart...even with trains.

New Towels

2007-04-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile something happens that stops me dead in my tracks and is like whoa...my kids are really growing up. Last year we had to change Sierra's hangers from the baby ones to the adult ones. Her shirts and dresses no longer fit on the little ones. Yesterday I bought my kids new towels for their bathroom. They had grown out of the smaller size and they needed the full size towels. I took Sierra with me and wrapped different towels around her "Is that big enough?" She picked out these HUGE fluffy towels. They are so lush and pretty. We loaded up our cart with 10 of them and headed home.

Leaving with those towels, worked on me. My kids are growing up. Physically they are not the same people they were 1,2,3 years ago. They need bigger clothes, bigger shoes, bigger hangers, bigger beds, bigger towels. You know what else they need? A bigger God. I don't want my kids stuck in the Beginner's Bible stories of God. They are ready for the real power of God, yes it is the power that opened the Red Sea but it is also the power that lives in the hearts of men and opens them up to God. It is the power that raised Jesus from the dead but also the power that raises them from the dead! My kids are ready for the God that dwells among them not just the God of the old covenant which makes up Sunday School.

A couple months ago Macey came to me and was complaining about her underwear hurting her, when I looked she was wearing a size 4 panty (she was 7). Her panty drawer was full of the wrong sizes! She had just been grabbing out what was in there and strapping them on no matter what the fit. I cleaned it out, got her the right sizes and she is good to go.

I want to do that in my own life. Clean out the stuff that doesn't fit anymore! Sin, hard feelings, fear! And get my drawers full of the right sizes. The sinless life, maturity in Christ, the Kingdom COME! My children ARE growing leaps and bounds. Even in matters of the Lord and his Kingdom, they are learning so much. What about their mother? Am I growing out of all my stuff too? Am I still wearing the same spiritual clothes that I wore last year? Even worse, have I traded in my clothes for something less than being "clothed with Christ'? I want to be growing out of my stuff too. I want to move on from infant stages of faith and get on to the real food of the word!

Get me some new hangers, I have a new bigger, greater wardrobe coming in!

Yes!!

2007-04-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

Today is the anniversary of the day Michael asked me to marry him. 13 years ago on Easter Sunday Michael and I went out for a morning drive to watch the sunrise and to pray together. After awhile he said he had a gift for me. He took an Easter basket out of the trunk filled with plastic eggs. There was a little egg on the top, which he took and opened; out came the most beautiful, shiny ring I'd ever seen. He got down on one knee and in a shaky voice asked me if I would be his wife. I was so shocked! I was 19 years old! I was wondering if I was allowed to say yes? (He had already asked my parents come to find out) I said yes...

I have this beautiful plaque hanging above a picture of Michael and I that says "All because two people fell in love." Looking back on that morning today, I had no idea what I was saying "yes" to. But now I know I was saying "yes" to the father of my 5 children; "yes" to 12 years of laughter and fun; "yes" to being myself just a better version of me; "yes" to the man who would work hard everyday of his life to provide for me; "yes" to the man who would cradle me in his arms when I found out my mom had cancer; "yes" to the man who could make me laugh just by a look; "yes" to the man who would rub my feet even if they were smelly; "yes" to the truest love I have ever known.

Michael is a gift to me. I still have that Easter basket and I still love looking at that little egg. And I will always delight in the memory of that wonderful "yes".

Comfy but Stinky

2007-04-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

In my walk with God right now, I feel like I have been chewing, REALLY chewing on some meat in the Word. So this thought came to me like a refreshing drink of milk after eating a whole steak! Something we all know but need to be reminded of (if you are anything like me anyway!).

I love slippers. I have a pair of fluffy cozy ones that I just love. When I get home I don't really feel "home" without getting my slippers on. I take them with me on vacation. I wear them to Bible Study (when it isn't at our house). I drop the kids off at school in them. I have even worn them to the grocery store. I am always sad to take them off. The problem is, they are kinda old. And the material they are made out of is not really "breathable" which is a nice way of saying they are kinda stinky. When I take them off, my feet stink. I feel like I have to wash them before I get into bed. It's a drag. Something I feel so comfy,cozy in but makes me stink!

Can you see where I am going with this? Bad habits are like this for me. There is some stuff I slip into that is so comfortable. Mostly bad attitudes. The way I react to frustrating situations, frustrating people. The way I respond to correction or even to a mess the kids have made. I slip into those comfortable (filthy) attitudes, they have come fit me, make me feel good. But later I realize I stink. Stinky-ness is hard to ignore. It makes me want a bath! A holy bath in His Word!

I am going to keep my slippers a little longer but I am definitely getting rid of those old comfy habits in Jesus' name!! I am going to break that cycle, rid myself of "all moral filth" and turn myself over for a good washing! I would rather be clean any day!

Psalm 51:7 "Cleanse me with hyssop and I will be clean, wash me, and I will be white as snow."

Who is Spring "Break" for?

2007-04-03T22:04:00.000-07:00

My kids are off school for 2 weeks for Spring Break or Easter vacation, whatever your persuasion. So I am home with my 5 kids day in day out for 2 weeks...straight. Spring Break is a lot of work for me to have my kids have a break. It is arguable they even need a break in the first place! I have had to do a lot more picking up than I am used to but I also get to sleep in a little longer.

Really, I love having them home. They are funny little people and I enjoy getting to spend such uninterrupted time with them. We haven't made many plans, a few playdates and sleepovers but nothing major. We have just been hanging around going to the zoo, the park, the mall.

We have had time for tons of talking (especially in the car). This is the part I love/hate the most. I love hearing their thoughts. One kid wants to know why her feet stink while another wants to know what happened to our old van. My kids ask me just about everything and they listen to my answers. I love that part of it. The "hate" part comes in when I have to repeat myself. I almost jumped out of the car the first time Ansen said "what?" I was like "Not you too!!" You answer one kid and everyone else is like "what?" "what'd you say,Mom?" "Mom,what did Nadine ask you?" "Why did she ask you that?" "Why did you answer like that?" Everyone butts in on everyone else conversations around here! That can make a person a little batty.

The real point of this post was to say my wonderful husband mopped the kitchen floor tonight. The work load has been more like a LOAD with 6 of us running around here all day. I feel like every night I go to bed I have moved mountains that day. So to have Michael mop the floor was like a slice of heaven pie! The floor had become almost impassable. I would walk out the front door, go around through the garage, back into the house so I could avoid most of the kitchen. My shoes were squeaking every where I went from all the juice, Nerds, spit out who knows what, I had been walking through for the past week! I refuse to mop more than once a week (really I refuse to do anything around here more than once a week) it has always worked out well before so it really was perturbing to have such a mess in such a short time. Thank you SPRING BREAK!!

All kidding aside...thank you Michael. I really appreciate how you are always willing to pitch in. I repent of not asking for your help more often. (Watch out!)

Quit Knocking and Come In!

2007-04-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

I don't have favorite kids but I do have some favorite ages of kids. Ava is 3 which is one of my favorite ages. I just love the innocence and discovery of this age. So much need and independence in one little ball of a person. They say these first five years do a lot to define what kind of person a child will become. Having had 3 kids already pass through those years I am a believer. Thinking about that afresh today reminds me how careful I need to be with this little person.

One thing I have been noticing lately (looking back I remember this about each kiddo) is Ava asks for my permission for the craziest things. "I have to go to the bathroom, can I?" "My blanket is downstairs, can I go get it?" Sometimes I impatiently say "yes Ava...go potty!" Even more curious is she will knock on the front door of her own home! I tell her the door isn't locked and she can come right on it but she always prefers me to open it.

Am I like that with my Heavenly Parent? Do I ask to do things He has already given me permission to do? Do I knock on the door, waiting for Him to answer when I have the key in my pocket? I am not a stranger to God in as much as Ava is not a stranger to me. She grew in my belly and I gave birth to her. I watched over her day and night. I reach out for her when she falls and I comfort her when she is sad. She is not a stranger to me, she is part of me. Making sure SHE knows that is one of my daily missions in life. I don't want her to feel like she has to knock on her own front door...she is a member of my family!!

How much more with my heavenly Father!! How much more has He loved me, watched over me, reached out to steady me when I was about to fall? How much more has He paid to have me be a part of His Blessed Family? God has no intention of His children knocking on the door wondering if someone is going to open up. He has placed His Kingdom in my heart so I will NEVER be alone. Has He proved Himself enough to me that I can barge right in and approach Him with confidence? YES!! To think I am even worthy of such a boast is beyond my comprehension! Nonetheless, the Everlasting God, the Rock and King has made me His child. And He wants me to be secure and loved like any good parent wants for their own. It is high time I start behaving that way!

What EVEN happened?

2007-03-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

SO we, like most people it seems, just got home from Tulsa. I can't even describe what my mind feels like trying to remember all the awesome things that happened. I kinda feel like I am living a half life right now, missing all those people I reconnected with. Another week would have been great but I probably needed more like a month to really get down to the nitty gritty with everyone I have missed out on for upwards of 15 years! I was kinda blown away by the fact that some of YOU knew me before I even introduced myself! I am glad we all have this forum to make friends and keep in touch with those far flung in body but close at heart.

A few highlights for me (in random order)

*Having dinner with Angie and the Shackelfords within an hour of arriving in Tulsa. Seeing Angie's face was like putting on a warm jacket when you are froze to the bone. Her company is pure comfort, pure delight. I enjoy you Angie!
*Being with Mike and Mary was just "other wordly". I can't even put into words right now how I feel about them. We talked until our mouths could hardly form words anymore. We sang, we prayed, we laughed (I mean hard core laughing) and we just feasted on God and each other. I love you both. See you soon!
*A treat as usual, visiting with Jason and Michelle was a joy. You two are my people! We just slip back into friendship so easily with you. You are on my heart as you persevere in His Kingdom. May it not be in vain. I love you both. God Bless!!
*Aim a Palooza...Craig-I will never forget our many adventures;Jason and Heather-I am proud of you! I wish we got to fellowship more;Flee-we talked about HOW WE EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER? But you are a sister in my heart. God ties us together beyond our understanding. I just feel like you and I still have a purpose together;Stuart-I think you were one of the people I was happiest to see, although time spent together didn't reflect it. You have always been a joy to those around you and NOW is no exception!
*Meeting Amy Gearhart was just so sweet. Fellowshipping together at Sanctuary was great (thanks for saving us a seat!) and eating together was more like we "broke bread together" in Jesus' name. Your heart is so tender and I enjoyed our time together. Take care and MUCH love.
*Seeing Paul and Kristi Miller was an unexpected blessing. To think we may be neighbors in California is awesome! It was so good to see Paul-he literally had not changed a bit!! I had never met Kristi before but I appreciate the connection the Spirit made way for us at Charlie's Chicken of all places!! Kristi, you are in God's hands. He loves you more than anything and I can see why. Your heart is so good and you are a light to those around you. Interacting with you was a "God thing" and I am happy to know you!!

Coming home is a funny thing as always. My kids were happy to see me and I them. I was not happy to see all the laundry or to start all the hard work of getting life back to normal...sorting through the piles of shoes, toys, books and JUNK...getting stuff back in their "homes". I actually had to vacuum the back patio. It was way beyond anything a broom could do. But it was all worth it. I think this trip is going to be the start of some" new works" for Mike and I. I am looking forward to seeing what God is going to do through our fresh hearts and I dare to speak as Moses did "Show me your glory!"

What Was I Thinking?

2007-03-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

If you have stayed caught up with me...I have been in an intense study on the Fruit of the Spirit. One of the things that startled me (in a bad way) was how many of the thoughts were hitting me and kind of bouncing off. Like "Neat, good to know" or "I am going to share that with so in so". Not really hitting ME. So I prayed about it. I prayed that God would show me where I am weak. That He would bring it to the surface so we (mostly HE) could deal with it. I referenced Psalm 19 where David talks about his "hidden faults" and I have really been praying through that. I don't want to be the kind of Christian that knows a lot of things. I want to be the kind that LIVES a lot of things.

Well...I got hit like a ton of bricks last night. A little background will help here. I had a rough childhood. My parents divorced when I was 6 and I went to live with my mom and my older sister. My dad (who is not my sister's biological dad) was around and we did the traditional every other weekend type of thing. I loved my dad. He was so cool. He was athletic, funny, handsome, witty and just energetic. He never really seemed "down" like things didn't really faze him. I just wanted to be loved by him and I was so glad to be his daughter. Unfortunately one of the things that didn't "faze" him was not being a good dad to me. Eventually those weekends became fewer and farther between. By the time I was in High School there was really no connection as far as time spent together and that kind of thing. But for me he still was my dad. He came to my graduation and I was over the moon. I didn't understand why it hurt my mom that I was so happy HE was there. But really, what had he done? SHE was the one who raised me and made all the brave decisions, most importantly leading our family to God. But I held on to him in my heart. I started letting go when he missed my wedding because he had to work and then more and more as I had kids he didn't care about either. Looking back it just kind of faded away...he started disappearing like a dream after you wake up. I went on with my very full life, not really looking back.

So this Bible study this week is focusing on the kindness of God as one of the fruits of the Spirit. Beth Moore sets up every week showing how God demonstrates the fruit and THEN what we are called to. On the 2nd day...there it is..."God as a nurturing parent". I am going through it like the student that I am when I feel myself just get drained and then filled with His Spirit. My past comes rushing up in my memory, my hidden weaknesses come to the surface. I remember all those feelings I had forgotten as a forgotten child. I remember feeling afraid that I was unlovable. I remember trying to be so good and witty on those weekends with my dad so that he would come back the next weekend and see me again. I remember when those weekends were no more feeling like something WAS wrong with me. If only I were cuter, smarter, funnier...what was it? Those fears turned them selves into something in me...motivation, drive. I was a straight A student all through school. I was a great student and really a great kid. I got along with everyone and did my best in everything I did. Not because God was good but because I had something to prove. Over many years I have forgotten that hurt. But I still have that drive to prove something to someone. My house is always clean. I have high demands on my children. I have great expectation of my husband. I strive for the stars in those areas that matter to me and I usually get there. I would never label myself as insecure. I would even say I was teetering on prideful! But God laid me bare through His Word. There was deep pain that was unhealed...IS unhealed... but with many callouses growing over it. I realized I AM still trying to earn love because of that love that was lost. That love that every child has the right to, that every child deserves! I have translated that pain to my relationship with Mike (I freak when he criticizes me) and worse to God. I realized I AM trying to earn God's love. Because of that abandonment I am trying to prove to God that I am worth his time and his son's sacrifice!! I know the scriptures that talk about grace and that really God's grace is the only claim we have but I have been living by deeds! And failing at that I might add! It was so clear to me last night I could hardly breathe. I closed my eyes and prayed. God revealed this to me and then He made sure I spent the next 20 minutes in soul wrenching prayer with HIm. I could not stop praying. I prayed until peace came. I am still processing everything I learned but I have peace that God was the one who showed it to me and He is the one who will lead me through it. And then I had the glorious realization that this was an answer to my prayer!! Secrets brought to light for Him to show me my need for Him;for Him to show me that I am covered by grace and that precious son's blood; that I am approved and that I am cherished not because of who I am but because of who He is. My name is graven on his hands and he leads me with cords of kindness tied with love.

Tender mercies who can fathom? I can testify God is here. He is with us. He comforts us. He leads us. He loves us. I am empty and full at the same time. I am at war and at peace at the same time. Like the apostle Paul says in 2 Cor 6:9 I am "known, yet regarded as unknown" 10 "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" "having nothing yet possessing everything". I am excited to see the growth and change these realizations will bring out in my life and walk with God. My sisters in small group prayed over me tonight and I am feeling blessed in this pain.

Thanks for you all hanging in there with me here! "And thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!" 2 Cor 9:15

One Thing for Another

2007-03-16T21:57:00.000-07:00

This is a funny idea...the idea of "giving up" something for the blessing of another. We see this idea throughout the Bible. Giving up DEATH for LIFE...well those kinds of sacrifices are obvious.

There are LOTS of choices that are less obvious to choose between. Last year I did a one week "cleanse" which means I FASTED for a week. No food for one week...yes 7 days...I am not a particularly health conscience person, I did the cleanse with my neighbor who is. So I chose between an opportunity to get on the same page with her and FOOD!! Not my favorite choice but they do attend church with us now so it was worth it...a dozen other "choices" I have made are floating around in my head right now. All those "goods, betters and bests" I have decided between.

Well speaking of that head full of ideas, it has a RAGING headache right now because of the giving up of one to enjoy another. I sat for 1 1/2 hours getting my teeth whitened today at the dentist's office. After all that sitting, under the brightest light my eyes could humanly handle focused on my teeth coated in a chemical made to strip them of their outer layers which makes them horrifyingly sensitive, I remembered that I would not be able to drink or eat anything with a "staining" quality...including tea which is chock full of the caffeine my brain has decided it NEEDS to function properly. SO I am one day with no iced tea. One day without that magical drink so that my teeth can be 3 shades whitter than they were.

Some choices are obvious. Others just seem that way until you have a maddening headache which makes you grumpy and exhausted and thinking "Why do I care about the color of my teeth?! I can't even SEE them!" What's done is done for me, I just hope maybe by my foolishness I can be an example for someone else =}.

A Reckoning

2007-03-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

All parts of the country and the world really have their own type of natural disaster to worry about. I live in Southern California where we are known for crippling earthquakes. But what we really worry about are the annual fires that threaten the rural areas around where we live. A couple years ago we had fires literally rip through several cities in the county...for real the suburbs were on fire. Our kids missed a week of school because the air quality was so bad. We all get a little nervous when the sun heats up and gives us that sunny weather we are crazy about but can also bring down a firestorm.

Cut to Sunday...with the fire danger approaching "high" I was a little taunted by the song we all know "Light the Fire". We sing it so sing song like..."light the fire in my soul...fan the flame, make me whole...Lord you know where I've been, so light the fire in my heart again..." So pretty sounding but when I think about it in the light of for real FIRE, I have a little trouble singing that prayer. Do I really want Jesus coming in and lighting the whole thing on fire? When a fire comes, there is nothing left. Everything is reckoned in a fire. Everything. People have fire safes in their homes to guard the secret things, the special things we only want for ourselves. Is my soul a secret place where I harbor treasured sins? Do I want to put my soul in a fire safe where the "fire" of Jesus and His Word can't get to it? I have been thinking about this overtime since Sunday. Am I willing to sing that song or even shout it? Asking, begging Jesus to lay me to waste with the pain of a fire in my soul? So that he can rebuild that which would bring glory to HIS name?

In my study this week I came across 2 Samuel 24 where David is being called into account for his lack of faith and he says in v14 that to him it was better to fall into the hands of God than the hands of men. I was so blessed by that this week. I DO want to fall into the hands of the Lord...even by way of fire. He alone is the perfect Judge who has chosen to extend salvation through his perfect patience. I have been praying this week that He would GENTLY show me my secret faults (Ps 19) and purify me even if there needs to be a fire. I am blessed by knowing the Lord is good and righteous and will not lead me down a path I can not handle. I echo David...let me fall into the hands of God. Oh boy..

PEE PEE!!

2007-03-08T22:01:00.000-08:00

As a parent there are times when my joy is at it's fullest and my heart may burst with delight and that is when my child sits on the potty and goes pee in it! Mike and I have 4 daughters. I think we may have had something to do with potty training maybe 2 of them. They just kinda trained themselves. When Nadine was 14 months old I lost track of her and searched high and low around the house. I found her sitting on the toilet checking out a pair of panties. That was it, she was done. With Ava it was more like "hey...who potty trained you?" With so many big helpful kids around, I guess I didn't realize how many people were helping out! When we adopted our son one of my first (albeit idiotic) concerns was "How do you potty train a boy?" They just seem to have more issues you know? Even though in the long run being a boy seems WAY more practical, in the beginning it seems like more of a struggle. SO...after 4 kids I am at the drawing board again...do we stand or sit? do we say panties or undies? do we pee on cherrios to help the aim or put dye in the potty to make it a different color? WHAT is going to work with this guy? With all these thoughts brewing for 2 years, tonight after Ansen's bath he points to himself and says "peepee". I put him on the toilet and sure enough...PEE PEE!!

Sometimes as a parent I am reminded that some things are WAY easier than I make them out to be. We are at our first stop on the potty train but I could not be more excited! One thing I have learned having been a mom for all these years to all these kids, is that not every success is initiated by me. Our kids have their own time schedule and their own times to shine!! And with these precious babes NO success is small and every step should be celebrated. So tonight I called everyone in the bathroom and we CELEBRATED. We clapped and yelled and made our little guy feel like he won the Piston cup!! And then Ava asked if NOW we could get a dog...

Not A Real Princess

2007-03-05T16:21:00.000-08:00

I was in my Beth Moore Bible Study and she did this whole thing on being a princess in God's kingdom...I was really touched by it because I want my girls to know when they accept Christ as their personal savior that they are royalty in God's heavenly kingdom. I just loved the thought of it. SO after the study I cuddled Ava and told her that she was a princess in Jesus' Kingdom. Her face lit up and we talked about wheather on not he had a castle and so on and so on. Mid conversation her face got a little sad and she said "you know I can't be a real princess" Why not? "Because real princesses don't go to the bathroom and I have to go to the bathroom a lot." Where did you get that idea? "Have you ever seen Cinderella go potty?" She's right, I have never seen one of the Disney Princesses take a potty break! Kids are just so darn literal sometimes. I couldn't talk her out of her opinion so the moment kinda passed. At least I have some other girls to try this out on!

Household Humor

2007-02-28T21:55:00.000-08:00

I think my kids are hilarious. Most of the time I keep it to myself because I don't want to hurt their feelings when they are trying to be all grown up but Mike and I will spend time at the end of the day rehashing all the funny stuff they say and do. SO here's a sampling for you...

Macey (7) is in Brownies. We went to a function this last weekend and she earned a patch to go on her vest.
When the lady was handing it to her she said "No thanks, my mom never sews those things on anyway." Just matter of fact ,no big deal, my mom's a loser...so deal with it. I kindly took the patch and no I have not sewn it on.

Again Macey...last night Mike and I had a lot going on and the kids just weren't the top priority. So finally at 7:30 (they are normally in bed by 7pm) they were starving for dinner and I was like just get some cereal! But I was too busy to pour the milk so they basically ate dry cereal for dinner. After that feast I said "I am sorry Dad and I have not been paying attention to you but GO TO BED!" Macey starts crying and says "this is the worst night of my life" and Ava (3) pipes in, as she is tearfully climbing the stairs, and says "this night is so...so...boring!!" I just laughed. That was the worst she could come up with! Boring..ouch!

Ansen(2) was playing dress up with Ava and we only have girl dress up so he was wearing a dress and a crown...Macey walks by and says "he's kinda like a tom-girl huh?". I looked at him and thought "tom-girl" is an improvement on what I was thinking. That little boy is one ugly girl.

Sierra asked me what my favorite kind of car was. I said "my car!" She says I like "converticals". I laughed and said "convertable". Her face went PALE and says "uh, I read a story in front of my class about how my favorite car is a red convertical". I just cracked up. Poor kid.

Sierra (11) and Nadine (9) were brushing their teeth. Sierra has had 3 cavities and Nadine has had none so she feels like she can give those around her some tips. Sierra has chicklets for teeth. 2 good size front teeth just like her mama. Nadine says to her "Get those two beaver teeth real good." Even Sierra was laughing and for awhile she would sign her name "the Beave".

I want my kids to grow up confident and assured but I also want them to be able to poke fun at themselves and have a good time at their own expense. I think this little post will get them on their way. I love you kiddos!!

The Truth Will Set You Free

2007-02-26T14:40:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I stumble upon thoughts that are so profound and freeing. Mike commented the other day in Bible class and what he said stuck with me. We are studying 2 Corinthians and Mike quoted Abe Lincoln echoing some of the encouragements Paul was making in chapter 12. Abe said "One of the worst things you can do for people is something they can do for themselves." Letting it sink in a little, my mind was all atwitter of what that really means. Scripture talks a lot about this same concept. Doing things for people, dragging them a long the right path is such a short sighted way of taking care of the people we love. I relate to this as a wife and a friend. I have many relationships where it is easier to NOT challenge them or to not "rock the boat" type of thing. I would rather lead the way than watch someone going around and around in circles. But we are all at different levels in our faith. I am just starting to grasp that my faith level dictates MY actions, And another's actions are dictated by their faith. Paul was totally brutalized and his faith could handle it. To demand all of us endure what Paul did may not be in accordance with our "grace of faith". So we don't have very much buisness handing out our advice for each and every situation because what our faiths can handle directly affects what actions we are able to take in a certain situation. I just think this thought is so freeing. I am not the judge of what people should and shouldn't be doing because our faith in God is unique to each of us, It's so personal. I can lovingly support and pray for the Spirit to be ACTIVE in them and watch with great expectation that God will led them better than I in my feeble thinking could. UGH! I especially relate to this as a parent. How do I expect my kids to become more responsible and equipped for growing up if I am not willing to let them take responsibility for what they are capable of. First, I am thinking making beds and keeping up on chores, but then the stakes get a little higher when they forget their homework or to pack a lunch. If they don't learn it there how could I expect them to respond when they have made a poor choice that really hurt someone and alienated them from God? I cannot forever be their "Jiminey Cricket" but I HAVE to be giving them the tools for faith! So that faith can guide them in the ways of the world and they heed the Spirit in them not their mom's voice ringing in their ears. I am excited about this because I know God is on my side and has already given me the tools to change my own thinking and be a more prayerful friend, wife and mother. Isn't that really where our power comes from? A solid relationship with the Lord? And from that relationship God creates "agape" sort of relationships. Relationships that seek out what the other truly needs through God's love which is always perfect.

This is about half of what I am thinking but I have to take a little better advantage of my babies taking a nap!! Off to the laundry...which is one thing some of the people in my house should be doing for themselves!

Overlooking an Insult

2007-02-22T23:09:00.000-08:00

I will be the first to admit I am TERRIBLE at overlooking an insult. I am working on it for sure and have experienced tons of growth in the area. I remember the first time I didn't freak when Mike interrupted me and it kinda blossomed from there. Now when Mike is catty or snarky it actually makes me laugh. We rarely fight because I find him so darn funny, which has kinda caused problems all it's own...

Example: Tonight we had a lot on our plate. Getting kids to bed around here can be challenging and I wanted to watch American Idol so when Sierra decided to clean out the chinchilla cage at 7:50 I got a little testy. Mike is changing Ansen's diaper and getting him into jammies in the next room. When I walk by I notice he has thrown the poopy diaper in the trash can without a bag in it. I HATE that. So I said (kinda bossy like) "MIke, I would really appreciate you not throwing trash in a can that doesn't have a bag in it." So there. But I hear him say in the same tone "Well Heath I would really appreciate you putting a bag in the first place."

It was so quick that come back. SO "DUH" when I was trying to be so "DUH" first. SO what to do but start laughing. In the old days that would have been the start of some "treatment", silent or otherwise but these days I genuinely find it funny and I am proud to say I get over it and am no more worse for the wear. To think how much time I have wasted getting my feathers ruffled is plain embarrassin'! Mike is a good sport; I am glad he is the man I am figuring this marriage thing out with.

Hubby Wubby

2007-02-20T18:12:00.000-08:00

This is a retaliation post of sorts in honor of my hubby for his beautiful post for me for Valentine's Day. (virtualsimper.com)

Mike and I got married when we were very young. We were just in love. I don't remember thinking about what a great job he had or what a great dad he was going to be...I was just in love with him and wanted to spend everyday with him. I had no idea what kind of future was laid out for us, I just wanted to be his wife. To say my life as Mike's wife has been a blessing would be a catastrophic understatement. My husband has taken such good care of me over these last 12 years, I am honored to be his. He doesn't work so that my needs are taken care of, he works so that my every desire is met. He doesn't pitch in when I am overwhelmed, he is already working right along side me. He doesn't ask much of me but asks what he can do for me. He displays the love of Christ in so many ways. He loves me the way I need to be loved and he is so easy to love back. My husband makes life fun on the grumpy days, fantastic on the good days and bearable on the miserable days. I can be tempermental and toxic at times but Mike makes me feel like a treasure when really... he is the true gift. I love you Michael and am happy to be your Valentine again and again.

I love it!!

2007-02-12T10:20:00.000-08:00

These are some things that make me smile.

I love that I am still scrubing grass stains out of my 11 year old daughter's jeans. She could be into so much other stuff, but to know she is playing kickball at recess just warms my heart.

I love listening to Nadine play the piano. Many mornings we wake up to Music Box Dancer and most evenings I make dinner to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game or some Christmas song she fell in love with. I never learned to play an instrument but having a child play is such a treat. All our kids have had the opportunity to play but Nadine just finds joy in it and you can hear it in the way she plays.

I love how Macey finds so much haapiness in being active. She struggles some in other areas but God makes it up to her with her athletic ability. She can outrun most of the boys in her class and in the neighborhood! She is so humble about it too. She came home the other day and said with a shrug "those boys just keep finding out for themselves that I am faster than them". (The boys in her class had been challenging her to races at recess and she kept winning.) She needs those sweet successes to keep her spirits up when she is struggling in other areas.

I love tucking the kids into bed. Kind of a no brainer but hearing all their last minute thoughts gives me a little more insight into who they are shaping up to be. One worries about setting their alarm to get up early to read while another is excited about making lunch with the new snacks I bought. I love that last little interaction with them.

I love the way Ansen cries when the girls leave for school. Even though it's sad, someting about it is so sweet. He watches them ride away on their scooters and the look on his face is like his heart is being tore out. He loves them all so much.

I love how Ava and Ansen play together. They are the two who are together all day, from dawn until past dusk and it is just as well for them. They find new things to discover with each other, they jump up and down when it's lunch time and they squeal with laughter about just being silly. They are two peas in a pod which is a true blessing since as far as our plans went Ava was the last stop on the baby train. Do I have to say God's plans are always better than ours?

I love that I still get the chills when I hear Mike's car pull up in the driveway. He is home about the same time every night even though his work could keep him there much longer. When he comes in I am so happy to see that face again and eager to hear about the day that came between us. All the kids jump around and are eager to tell him about their day too! It's a real testament to Mike that 6 people who know him better than anyone are thrilled to see him come home everyday.

In one of the Bible studies I was involved in we had to record "Godstops" which are times during the day when you saw God move or something caught your attention and made you stop and think of God's richness and kindness. This is what I had in mind recording these things. My life is in no way perfect but God blesses me and I want to always be sure to turn those blessings into praise. Heavenly Father, I praise you for your goodness and kindness. You keep your promises and are faithful even when I am not. I am thankful for your presence in my life and echo Moses in saying I will not go even into the land of blessing without your presence in my life. You make life FULL. I love you!!

Metaphors

2007-02-02T16:01:00.000-08:00

I love metaphors. I have heard it said that people understand word pictures better than theoretical ideas . Which would make sense because Jesus (the creator of people) used parables and stories when speaking with people from all kinds of educational backgrounds. Anyway, I have been seeing metaphors for Christian living everywhere I go lately! It's so great to effectively "see" the rocks crying out which wakes me up again to God's healing presence in my life.

I was looking out the window the other morning doing dishes and I saw a potted plant I had just stuck in the planter meaning to get to planting it later. So that afternoon I went out back and pulled the pot out of the planter and low and behold it had grown roots! I was struck by how silly and sad it was that that plant had not waited to be planted in the nutrient rich soil where it could grow and thrive but struck out roots through it's constrictive plastic pot. I feel like that silly plant sometimes in my Christian walk. I am safe in my element (which is by nature sinful) and stick out a few little roots here and there that keep me...alive. But I am resistant to being pulled out of that pot and planted in a new environment of rich nutrients because I will miss that comfy, black, inflexible barrier that keeps me from having to really grow. Silly when you see a plant doing it but convicting when I see myself doing it. God talks about himself as a Gardener, I am sure He can't use plants who won't loosen up from their comfort zones and let themselves either be planted or transplanted (for those who have grown too big for that first pot). I am in need of a transplant right now. I know God wants to GROW me in some ways but I am digging in the roots that I have trying to convince myself that I like being squished into a space that I have outgrown. Growth can be lonely sometimes..new places and faces but I am encouraged and humbled that God thinks more of me than I do. That He has a new pot for me and it just may turn out to be a beautiful garden. With God all things are possible!!!

No Deal

2007-01-29T20:22:00.000-08:00

That was a NO DEAL about having the sickness stop at us...Got a phone call from the school about 3:30 (our kids get out at 3:35) and Macey didn't make it. Lost it in the classroom. As we were leaving the school I heard the janitor being called to her classroom. That guy DOES NOT get paid enough. I gagged all the way home and she is my own kid!! I had to throw away her pants and her shoes People!!! It was pretty bad. And now I am going to say a real prayer that hopefully will surpass my blog prayer!! Pray for us!!

Stomach Flu

2007-01-29T10:42:00.000-08:00

Ava, Ansen and I had the stomach flu over the weekend. Lord, please let it STOP with us!! Mike was happy to get off to work today, I think I even heard his tires squealling!! Although being sick is no fun, it's kinda sad how it's the only way I can slow down. I took a bath at 3 in the morning and I actually laid on the couch for 48 hours. I watched more TV in that time than a normal person should in a lifetime. I knew I had over done it when I looked at Mike (who had been rubbing my feet for half the time on the couch) and actually said these words..."You know "Pimp my Ride" is actually a good show, pretty entertaining." He looked at me like if we weren't on the first floor of our home he might well just jump out the window. I had never watched that show before and I gotta say even the day after...it was funny!! So today even though I am still recouperating, trying to catch up around here, I guess in some way I can look back and say...yeah I was sick as a dog but I laid on the couch all weekend and cuddled my kids and comforted them in their sickness. So I guess it wasn't the worst way to spend a weekend! I am sure Mike would vehemently disagree with that last statement! I love you Babe, Thanks for taking care of us this weekend!!

I QUIT!!!

2007-01-24T22:24:00.000-08:00

I have so much on my mind right now but I just wanted to make a quick statement/question/outrage...I am going to cancel my subscription to Martha Stewart Living!!! I think I am ready. I mean getting that thing every month and thumbing through all the "everyday" recipes that apparently normal people are cooking without batting an eye makes me feel like such a LOSER!! I can hardly pronounce some of the ingredients let alone get to the store and find them. I don't even go to the store!! If it's not at Costco or Sam's Club, do you REALLY need it? Some of the homemade in a day crafts and kid friendly ideas for the holidays start my heart racing because I don't think I could do it!! And the impression you are left with is that all good people are doing what's in the magazine!! Ahhh..I am worn out thinking about it! The February issue about has me worked up into a frenzy...I think it is really time to let it go. The guilt of seeing the magazines stacked up in the rack...all the ideas, crafts. good things, meals, that I am missing out on and DENYING my family true Martha-ish happiness!! I am hoping this will be the same freeing feeling I got from finally donating all my pre-baby jeans and t-shirts. Admitting it ain't going to happen is good for the soul! Right?

Hi, I am Heather

2007-01-22T13:49:00.000-08:00

I love my life. I wear many "hats" (housecleaner, chauffeur, teacher, coach, nurse) and I also have many precious connections (mother, friend, wife, sister, daughter) but every once in awhile I just want to say...I am more than those things...I am me!! On Thursday I was picking Macey up from Brownies and a kid at the school yells at me "Hi Sierra's mom!" then at Brownies I am introduced as Macey's mom. The next day a kid at Ava's school taps me on the leg and says "Ava's mom, my dad is picking me up from school today" and as I was dropping off something for MIke at work, his partner introduced me as Mike's wife...to that I said "Actually I am Jim and Diane's daughter". He didn't get it but I laughed to myself. I am proud and grateful to be those things but I don't ever want to leave "me" behind. I have thoughts and ideas and desires that go beyond all these wordly introductions. I find the most solice in the fact that God KNOWS me and He even has a secret name for me that only He and I are going to know. (That is pretty cool.) And I can say that most days, my husband is trying his hardest to figure out my deepst thoughts. (Which is turning out to take a lot longer than either of us expected!) Like I said I love my life, I am just trying hard not to forget I actually have a name other than so in so's something or rather...So, nice to meet you, I'm Heather.

A Beautiful Sight

2007-01-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

I think most people would agree that children change the way you live, the way you behave and the way you see the world. Something having children has changed in me is what I think is precious or wonderful or perfect. I used to have a vision of what the perfect day was like or the perfect gift or even the perfect person...and I have been taught by God first and then my kids that perfect can be a house cluttered with toys and cocoa puffs watching a movie snuggled up on the couch. Or that precious can be a child's sad, sorry face after trying to flush the remote control and flooding the bathroom. Or that wonderful can be an unexpected hot dog barbecue on a rainy night. Well on Saturday I saw one of the most beautiful sights in my (relatively new) frame of reference: Sierra, our 11 year old, was on all fours with Ava, our 3 year old, standing on her back drinking from the drinking fountain. It took my breath away to see such tender loving care by that sweet big sister. Sierra probably didn't think much of it at all but watching that sweet sacrifice just made me love Jesus for using us to teach these precious children to love one another. I was so proud in that moment, that no one saw but me, honored and thankful that God's words are soo powerful that an 11 year old can not miss His love and is already living it out in her own 11 year old way. I love you Sierra. You are a gift to us and so many others. God, bless our kids and show your utter love and devotion to our kids through us. As always I am humbled by your love!!

Christmas is a SUCCESS!

2006-12-27T21:40:00.000-08:00

I am happy to report Christmas was a success in the Winter household this year! It was a little shaky there for a while, with the kids' wish lists containing things they would not be receiving on Christmas morning and Ava coming down one morning in hysterics about the girls being very mean to her. When I asked her what happened she said the girls (how dare they!) told her that Christmas was NOT all about presents!! She was very upset and of course we had a talk that didn't make her any happier. But she got the point and we moved on quite nicely after that. On Christmas Eve eve, the kids got to open one gift and Ava opened a little Diego phone, she came over to me and exclaimed "Mom, you really are the best!" AAHHHH! Nadine opened her gift of 24 vintage books and excitedly said "This is the ultimate Christmas gift!" AAHHHH! Sierra wrote Mike and I a beautiful note on Christmas night thanking us for the wonderful day and how the most important gift she could receive from us is knowing Christ through us. AAHHHH! Then the kicker came tonight when Macey was praying over dinner and she asked God to please make next Christmas as great as this Christmas. And you know they didn't get very many gifts this year. I think Mike and (mostly) I have figured out to make Christmas a beautiful season rather than just one gluttonous day of self absorbed kids. We had a great time celebrating Jesus and enjoying the fun of holiday traditions. I concur with Macey...God, please make next Christmas as great as this Christmas! We celebrate your Son and his precious life on earth which gave us life in Heaven for eternity! I am amazed by you and humbled by your love! Thank you Jesus!

So Much to Say...

2006-12-19T20:58:00.000-08:00

So much to say so little time to say it. With Christmas right around the corner I am a busy little mom. Cookies to bake, gifts to wrap, parties to go to, all that Holiday FUN!! Who has time for clean socks or sheets? I have four loads of laundry on the bed begging to be put away...they practically need to be rewashed from the dust settled on them!! Getting a little behind this time of year is totally worth it though. I just love Christmas time...the Holiday music moves me, I am hopelessly sentimental about the changes in our kids from one Christmas to the next, I am growing in my faith every year which leads me to a greater sense of appreciation that Jesus was born and more importantly that he followed through with the redemptive plan, my husband who works so hard for us to have such a wonderful time spoiling our kids!!! I am just so FULL this time of year!! I know God loves me, but I gotta wonder every once in awhile..."Why me? That I should be so blessed?" Because I have truly done nothing to deserve it. I am thankful that God knows me and loves me anyway and not only loves but cherishes and spoils all the same...what a thought!!

To anyone who stumbled onto my blog...Merry CHRISTmas and Happy New Year...lots of love in Jesus' name to you and your loved ones!!

Soccer in full swing!!

2006-10-12T14:29:00.000-07:00

Our three big girls are currently in the middle of their 2nd year playing soccer. We are officially a soccer family!

We have 5 kids total (in case you are just joining us!) so the future is a little daunting considering with only 3 of the kids playing we have 5 practices and 3 games every week. Mike and I definitely have a team approach to dealing with the soccer madness and work together quite like the frantic crew of a sinking ship! YOU!!!-be at Walnut Grove Park at 5pm with kid #1, I will meet you there after I run kid #2 across town to Woodland and come back with dinner and then you go drop off kid #3 and pick up kid #2 while I man kid #1. GO GO GO!!!! At first there were a few mix ups: kids wearing the wrong jerseys or socks, or the wrong kid playing in the wrong game...little stuff like that but now we are like a machine. It makes it all worth it when the kids are on the field playing their little hearts out. Sierra evaluated at 12 and under, which is an honor since she is 10, and she has been a pivotal player as a half back. The kid can move. She runs around the whole game getting tangled up here and there and usually comes out with the ball. Nadine evaluated at 10 and under, which is great since she is 8. She usually plays forward and is doing great! We joke because she is very intellectual and mild mannered but on the field she is everywhere getting after the ball. Now when she lets something annoying that her sisters do, slide, we say "She's savin' it for the field" She has scored 4 goals so far and is doing just great! Well our little Macey is in a word:Unbelievable. She is like Lance Armstrong who they say takes in 4 times the oxygen that other humans take in. The kid is an animal!! Sometimes we have to split up on Saturdays on account of games being at the same time. Mike and I take turns going to everyone's games. So last week Mike and Macey meet up with us at Sierra's game and she says their team scored 10 goals!! WOW!! And then she adds that she scored 9 of them!! (the 10th was scored while she was playing goalie.) Her coach is so proud to have such a ball of energy on the team who really loves soccer!! She is a treat to watch!! I am cracking up even writing about how cute she is!! Mike and I are like stars because Macey comes from our gene pool!!

That is what we are doing all week and on the weekend. I love that we all are involved. Usually we just drag our blanket and chairs (and 2 other kids) around the park's fields and hang around all day Saturday together. I love the family time it "forces" us to have. Sometimes on the weekend I run errands or we work around the house but during soccer season you will find the Winter family together and enjoying each other and cheering each other on.

Thank you God for my family's health and ability to even play a sport! We are always mindful of every blessing we have through you and we count our physical ability among the many!! Keep our girls safe and remind them through us that all good things come from you!!

SHEESH!!!! An Update

2006-09-08T22:06:00.000-07:00

A long lost hello to my blog!! I could not log into this account so I have been getting more and more behind on my interesting and OH so fascinating life of KIDS KIDS KIDS!!!

SO....our family trip was AWESOME!! We had an amazing jaunte which included 9 states, 5 RV "resorts" and 13 kids in all. We really had the time of our lives. My sister and her family were such wonderful traveling buddies; it made the trip that much better to have them there. We saw the most beautiful, strange, wonderful things on our trip. Yellowstone is truly God's wonderous hand in action. The waterfalls, the landscape and all the naturally occuring oddities are such a testimony to our God's power and wisdom. We saw wildlife that our kids may never get the opportunity again to see. We saw over 200 bison, moose and the craziest birds. The kids were in my brother in law's car when a stampede of BISON erupted on and through the road. There were hundreds just everywhere! It was truly awesome. With all those wonders came a few snafoos...2 tires blew out on our trailer while we were driving in 100+ degree weather, along an extremely treacherous climb into Las Vegas at 11PM at night...that was very nerve wracking but faith building at the same time. We ended up getting a speeding ticket on our way home...and a few of the kids were out of their seatbelts...so Mike and I BOTH got tickets!!! We kinda had to take that one in stride since we had been in the car for literally days on end, giving them a little break from their seats turned out to be very expensive and EMBARASSING!!! But we were safe and sound our whole trip, we had an awesome time, the kids did GREAT and the TV barely got any use after all!!!

SO...we came home to one week of vacation left and then the kids went back to school!! I never take for granted the fact that we live in a country that values the education of girls as much as it values the education of boys. I remind my daughters almost daily that they are VERY blessed to live in the good ole USA. So with that in mind they headed off to 2nd, 3rd and 5th grades!!! We have done well adjusting to school life again. I love the routine it brings to our family. The 3 big girls started soccer as well. SO that is 5 practices a week and 3 games on Saturdays in addition to chess and piano! I am sure this reads like I am crazy but it all balances itself our very well. Mike is the key to making it all go smoothly!!! I never wanted to have lots of kids and limited opportunity so we try our best to let the kids do whichever activities they want to do while prioritizing school and church.

SO....I am scheduled to have surgery to remove a patch of skin cancer on my head in the next couple of weeks. I am thankful we have a diagnosis and that it is going to be taken care of properly. I can look forward to a 2 inch scar on my forehead (WAAAA) but what I AM looking forward to is a little R and R. A little pathetic that this is the only way I allow myself down time but so be it!!!

SO...that gets us all caught up!!! At least as far as the major things go! There are some fun days ahead for our family and I look forward to remembering them here!! Thank you God for the future and the hope of all kinds of fun and joy. I know you are always with me and those I love. Thank you for the joy of knowing you!!!

Family Vacation!!!

2006-07-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

The Winter Family is headed out on a 12 day trek toward Yellowstone National Park...Otherwise known as the Family Road Trip. Mike and I have yet to take on this kind of adventure with our family and we are really looking forward to it!! We have the trailer all loaded up with every snack food ever conceived of, tons of books and games, 140 outfits (not including pjs) and a last minute purchase of a TV. I know what is a true road trip with a TV? It's just not right but I am sure any parent with ONE child, let alone FIVE children would shout their approval. Mike and I have been giddy with excitement over the trip. I think we are both just fascinated and frankly flabbergasted that WE are the ones taking OUR family on this trip. Sometimes we both just gotta trip out for a moment that WE are parents!!! And WE are in charge!!! I don't know if I will ever get used to that idea...That God in his wisdom thought it fitting to give Mike and I these 5 beautiful little beings to care for and love and train. I am just so honored when I think about it. Really all the stuff we go through as parents is light and momentary trouble in comparison to having the honor of being a parent. I just wanted to get these thoughts in writing so that I will be able to reflect on them when I have been in a car for days on end with 5 passionate, imaginative children!!! I love you God for honoring me with the task of raising children. And I beg you to keep us safe and sane on our trip!!

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

2006-06-08T20:32:00.000-07:00

I just have to note some of the great things that have happened before they slip my mind and are replaced by other adorable, memorable things that come about with a bustling family of 7...Sierra and Nadine are both being honored as Physical Education Students of the YEAR; Sierra competed in her first track meet:the long jump; Ava and Ansen holding hands in their side by side carseats; Ava introduces Ansen to every passerby "This is Ansen my baby brother"; Ansen snuggling with Mike watching basketball; Ansen waving at airplanes, helicopters (totally understandable) but also trash trucks, parked tractors, furniture trucks, FedEx trucks (boys ARE born like this!!); Ava saying "Absolutely" when asked a question; Macey reading SO well; Macey writing a story about Johnny Appleseed being a "pretty cool guy"; Ansen hanging out with the Mexicans at soccer games, school assemblies, church; last thing...The 3 big girls in the shower one morning: Nadine was hogging the water and wouldn't let Macey in. Sierra says "Nadine let her in it's a free country" (which is totally Sierra- witty, funny and helpful big sister) Nadine says "Exactly, it's a free country so I can stay right here!" (which is totally Nadine-calculating, sharp as a tack and ready to get her job done). Mike is chuckling to himself overhearing this exchange when Macey pipes in and says " It doesn't feel like a free country to me!" (which it so Macey-sweet and a little schemed against by big sisters) It was a perfect example of how those 3 operate right now in the triangle of the 3 oldest kids. So funny!!
To think back on the simple little comments made or things experienced I am so grateful for my life. I know I won't always have these 5 precious gifts under my roof to enjoy every minute of, childhood is sooo fleeting. Give me insight God and wisdom to do right by my children!! I love you all!!

Mid Year Reflection

2006-05-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe this is the middle of May. I have had a busy year thus far and am looking forward to a crazy busy summer VACATION. There is something wrong with that sentence I know!! Really this year up until now has been an eye opener. There have been times in my life when I am faced with the possibility that I am not as evolved as I think I am :) this last 5 months fit into that category pretty nicely. I actually appreciate times like these because it means God is not done with me yet. It means I still have purpose for my own life, outside of all the purpose I get from my hubby and 5 kids. It means I am more than mom and wife and friend and daughter and sister...It means I am a child of GOD. That He still has plans to grow me and shape me so that I can better serve him. That excites me!! Even though it is kinda a drag to see that I am not "done" and that I am more of a onion than I ever knew (LOTS of layers that make your eyes burn!!) I am choosing to believe it is God's way of showing me that I am still loved and still an asset to His kingdom and I am still worth the time and effort. I am making a mid year pact with God to renew a covenant of GROWTH. I want to be MORE by the end of the year and look back on this post and smile and say "well that was a good re-start".!!Pray for me!!

I Have To Say IT

2006-02-05T20:26:00.000-08:00

Well, I couldn't let life go on without the chronicling of one of the craziest days of my young life. So here it goes...It all started really on Thursday when I rushed around like crazy to get out the door for the first meeting of the Ladies' Bible class at church. Mike was out of the house by 5:30 am to get some things done at work so he could be back in time to stay with the big girls so I could leave and get to the class on time. Our girls start school at 9:15 so there is a small window of time that they needed an adult here since I needed to leave at 8:30. So having gotten 6 people ready to go the 3 of us headed to the church only to find out that the class starts NEXT week!! Friday rolls around and I had a crew of people coming to fix varies things in the house that have been going haywire...Within 6 weeks our garage door, microwave,vacuum, piano, toaster and blender were all on the fritz...So the garage door guy was coming at 9, the cable guy at 10 and the piano guy between 12 and 2. We were going to have to miss our weekly park day with the girls but these things had to get fixed!! So the garage door guy calls at 9, he was running late and would be there at 10. The cable guy got here on time (great!) and tracked grease from the garage all the way upstairs (lame!) After he left I discovered a mess of cut cables and shaved wire. The garage door guy called and said he was another 40 mins. All I wanted was a shower but decided to wait until he got set up working because the install was going to be about a 4 hour process. He called at 11:15 and said he had the wrong parts so he was going to be here around 12:30. Again, all I wanted was a shower but the piano guy could show up within 1/2 an hour so I put it off. I was meeting my sister at 2 for an afternoon out so I really needed that shower!! So about 1 I decided to jump in and get ready as fast as humanly possible. The whole time in the shower I was a wreck...Turning off the water at every peep and bump wondering if the guy was banging on the door or worse if Ava had let him in!!I was just about ready when the door bell rings. Yeah!! I made it. He proceeds to take apart the piano and the phone rings. Nadine needs her pillow and a beach towel to watch a movie in the Auditorium (a treat for a math recognition). This is a bummer for me because Ansen is asleep and the piano guy is here. Phone rings again, garage door guy will be here around 2. Piano guy informs me regrettably that my piano is in bad shape and needs about $1,000 of repairs. Ding-dong. It's Uncle Ant wondering if FedEx has come (random)..."No but can you come in watch the kids while I run down to the school?" No problem and off I go. About 4 mins later I pull up to Anthony in the garage wide eyed and STRESSED. He is standing next to a scruffy looking man who is SMOKING IN MY GARAGE. Anthony informs me he will never stay at my house for 5 mins again. WHY? After I left Ava had to go potty..No biggie...But about 3 minutes later Ant realizes the water has been running. As I am walking in the house I see about half an inch of water from my bathroom to my pantry to the kichen. AAAHHH! He says as he was staring at the water the piano guy needed some plastic baggies for screws and as he was going to look for them the door bell rang and it was the garage door guy. HAHA poor Anthony! Well it is 2 and Mike is supposed to be here and I am supposed to be gone!!! I walk back out to talk to the garage door guy (with the mess in the house and the piano guy wondering if I am going to go forward with the repairs) and the smoking garage door guy takes one look around and says "whelp, the belt drive opener I brought isn't going to fit so I am going to have to come back another day." Then he flicks his ciggie on the driveway. Right then Mike walked up and I walked in the house. Before I could take a breath and count to 10 the piano guy comes around the corner (as I am standing literally in water) and asks if I want the repairs done and informs me I owe $170 for his trip out and tells me about the time a pipe under his garage busted and the mess it made...boy do I want to leave!!! I write the check, approve the repairs, Mike comes in and wants to know what happened and why there's water all over, Ant wants to leave and never return, I want to leave!!! Mike goes upstairs and gets a slew of towels, starts cleaning up the mess. I see the garage door guy out and the piano guy out. I thank Mike and I leave. On my way to Tara's I call Mike and tell him what he could fix for dinner. Needless to say he is not happy...I am not happy...We end up making each other even more unhappy. Tara and I talk about all that has happened...Unbelievable. We had a great time at UTC ...As we are headed back to meet the girls at Rubios, we grab an Ice Tea for the traffficky ride to Carlsbad. About 10 mins into the car ride, I lose the grip on my drink and it goes flying...all over me. It's soaked my pants and is sloushing around in my shoes. It's soaked the floor mats and is running on the dash. WHY ME!!! Tara and I are laughing hysterically! What is going on!!SERIOUSLY!! Well we make it to Rubio's at the Carlsbad Company Stores. I tell Rita, Brenda and Monique about my day (what would I do without my girls?) and we laugh and they feel sorry for me. We head out to do some shopping at about 7:50. Well, the mall closes at 8! Sheesh on a Friday night? I say all I want is something sweet. A big ole brownie with whipped cream on it will fix me up right. We head over to Marie Callendar's. The girls order pie, the server says he thinks the are out of 2 out of the 4 pies they ordered and I order my brownie. He comes back...the have all the pies (YEAH) but they are out of brownies...NO WAY!!! We all start laughing. POOR ME!! You would think this is the end of it but it's not. After we have the time of our lives, laughing, crying and laughing some more, we get kicked out at 11:30, they closed at 10 so they needed us to leave. On my way home there is a detour in unfamiliar territory and I am lost in Leucadia for who knows how long. I was scared and I had no cell service. I finally made it to an area I remembered and got home around 12:30. Things had gone so wrong that day!!! I was so glad to go to bed and get that day over with!!! After thanking God I was home safe, I started reflecting on the day from the first wrong turn and I thought...if this is the worst I have to deal with in my life, I am pretty blessed. I went to sleep with a smile.

Weekends

2006-01-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

I love Friday nights...looking forward to the weekend is something I remember doing as a kid and as a parent I love the excitment the weekends brings for my kids too. Lazy saturday mornings, hot breakfast over cereal, staying in jammies until at least noon, cartoons, Dad home...what isn't great about the weekend? It's been great as a parent to feel like I am giving my kids a great childhood to look back on...I want them to know first and foremost about Christ and God's will for their lives but also just the simple things that every child should enjoy...like safety, security, both Mom and Dad tucking them in at night,people they can depend on the rest of their lives...I didn't have some of that stuff as a kid and to think God has lead me to a point that I can pass that on to them...humbles me and causes me to thank God every day that he is working in my life so I can be a blessing to my kiddos. This weekend doesn't hold anything out of the ordinary...birthday party, household chores, going to Mimi and Pawpa's for a BBQ, but in the "ordinary" to have true love and companionship with my husband and kids is really more than I ever dreamed I would have. Have a great weekend!!!

2006-01-05T22:27:00.000-08:00

Why yes he can!!!

2006-01-05T22:25:00.000-08:00

Could he be any cuter?

2006-01-05T22:18:00.000-08:00

What a lucky girl I am!!

2006-01-05T22:15:00.000-08:00

The Winter Clan

Annual Big Bear Trip

2006-01-05T21:34:00.000-08:00

We just got home from a 4 night 5 day stay in beautiful Big Bear, California. Mike and I and the 5 kiddos packed up and stayed at a huge 3 story cabin with his parents, 6 siblings (2 of whom are marrried, one with a boyfriend) and my parents came up for 2 nights. Needless to say it was a houseful. We had a great time. This is an annual trip for our family and Mike's family. Mike's parents are a lot of fun to be around. His mom Connie, is always up for anything. She played Twister with the kids, played board games late into the night, sledded (even though 2 years before she broke her ankle running into a tree) and cooked breakfast and dinner for us all most nights. She really is the best. His dad Paul brings in the mellow, but he is totally ready to participate. He played Cranium with us and caught all of us on film sledding. Mike's brother Anthony and his wife just moved back home from Hawaii which is so great!! Paul and Connie have a houseful of their own again with Brian, Jeremy, Ashley and Thabit and now Ant and Dez. I love my husband's family. They have always been so nice to me and my kids. They are always willing to help feed the kids, change diapers, read a book, babysit...whatever they are willing to do it. I am thankful to God for them.
Aside from all the fun we had on vacation...I am wrestling with the pain of coming home from vacation. The house wasn't in tip top shape when we left so it's a little overwhelming getting back in control. There are bathrooms to clean, floors to mop, LAUNDRY like nobody's buisness,
all kinds of craziness to unpack...so where do I start? Update my blog of course!!! Sitting here, recalling the fun we had these last couple days is soo fun!! But all great things must come to an end...I think I heard the buzzer on the dryer...breaks over!!!

Let's try this again

2005-12-23T21:35:00.000-08:00

Well this is my second attempt at a blogger site...I am soo computer illiterate. Hopefully this time it'll stick!!! I am excited to chronicle the wonderful things that go on around this little corner of the world I call home. Today is Christmas Eve Eve and the kids just wrapped up a movie night of Elf and popcorn. Elf was great...popcorn not so great. The babies are in bed now and the big girls are on their way. I am just sitting here thinking about how fortunate we are to have this peace in our lives. I have never taken for granted not for one minute...how fortunate I am to be right here right now. Whether that "now" has been easy or hard I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for my loving husband and how he has matured me through patience and understanding. I am thankful for my parents and how much they still love me even though I am way past childhood. I am thankful for my sister because life without her is unimaginable. I am thankful for her family beacuse we get to have the family life we always dreamed of. I am thankful for my brother because he and his wife keep us honest and truthful and help me keep searching for the truth and they are sooo good to their kids.I am thankful for my husbands family because they have treated me as family and have been NORMAL and I am glad to pass that on to my children. I am thankful to my daughters for not only tolerating me as their mother but loving me, for thinking I am so much fun to be around and for being totally irrational and emotionally unstable because they trust me and their Dad to take care of them and listen to them. I am thankful to my son who has loved us heart and soul since the day we chose him. I am thankful for my friends who laugh with me and cry with me, who have been with me through all my ups and downs and have let me be there with them through all of theirs. You probably could look at my life and find things that are not perfect...but right now you would have a heck of a time convincing me!! Merry Christmas to all of you!!!